Aggro Bird

Y’all this is some cra. Ever since buying Doilywood a couple years ago, we’ve had our eyes on these incredible Adirondack chairs from Target for our fire pit. We’ve never pulled the purchase trigger b/c they’re not necessarily cheap, esp. since we wanted multiples, but earlier this summer, Target did the world a solid & put these gurlzzz on sale. So we scooped four of ‘em right up…lurv:

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But then this started happening:

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And this:

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Uh huh…this too:

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Yep:

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WTF? ALL THIS grossness. Full disclosure: these pics were snapped after we’d been on vacation for about 4-5 days, but y’all!!! And trust I’m fully aware that, ANY/ALL outdoor furniture & other decor/items are gonna get their fair share of ‘bird blessings’— esp. when left uncovered — but y’all this situ was NEXT LEVEL BIRD ASS BLAST ARMAGEDDON! Now, prior to our aforementioned vaca, I’d seen rando bird droppings on the chairs here & there, no biggie, as they’re made of virtually indestructible polywood (blend of polyethylene & plastic and hose off beautifully), but I’d also spied the main culprit who was repeatedly perpetrating most of this nasty, who kinda looked like this:

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Google tells me this is a Gray Catbird, though obvs I’m no bird expert and this may not be the exact species. Just know it was always the same, bluish/gray bird. Every. Single. Time. I mean y’all the yard would be completely void of birds & then this one bird would swoop in, poop on a chair and then leave. !!!!!!!!!! This bird was using our new chairs as a personal toilet & needed to be checked. And fast. Please know we love us some birds at Doilywood…this is our ‘country’ escape from the city, after all, so bring us all manner of Lion King wildlife, hunty. But this particular aggro, angry bird was clearly in a full on RAGE over our new chairs and let us know about it with its’ SHIT. Googling possible remedies that could work here didn’t yield any solutions that I liked, so as I do in most of my interior projects in some form or another, we go custom & here’s what we ended up with:




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!!!!!! Who’s playing Angry Birds NOW, Betch?!

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Yasssssssssss!!!!

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Y’all aren’t seeing things here. Those are indeed modified pool noodles that have bird spikes sewn to the tops. Not only were these relatively easy (& cheap) to diy, I am happy to report that we’ve basically had zero bird bombs since completing this project! Oh & aggro gray bird seems to have moved elsewhere to find a toilet…

Here’s how we made ‘em:

Purchased one of these Bird-X Stainless Steel Bird Spikes Kit covers 10 Feet from  Amazon

Purchased one of these Bird-X Stainless Steel Bird Spikes Kit covers 10 Feet from Amazon


We bought two pool noodles from our local Five Below, but for ease sake these are off Amazon  here

We bought two pool noodles from our local Five Below, but for ease sake these are off Amazon here

Then bought fishing line/monofilament & quilting needles…already owned scotch tape, aluminum shears, pen, yard stick, hand saw



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Measure the length of chair back and trace a straight line on pool noodle using pen and yard stick:

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Carefully cut along drawn line with hand saw taking precaution not to cut all the way through the noodle. Cutting ONE SIDE only.

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Tape two (or more) sections of bird spikes together to get overall length. Should be the same length as your pool noodle piece. The tape is temporary and only needed to secure two or more sections of bird spikes together whilst you cut your length & to sew the spike section in place.

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Using aluminum shears, trim excess bird spikes. We used aluminum shears here, but sure this cut can be achieved with a pair of really sharp scissors as the plastic supporting the bird spikes is thin.

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Hold your section of spikes on your noodle & carefully begin to sew in place using fishing line and a quilting needle. You are sewing this section on the opposite side of your earlier cut. This step is more tedious than it is difficult. This is basic needle and thread action here, nothing fancy folks. But keep in mind you are sewing into foam, so unlike fabric, you need to use a lighter touch when poking needle through completing your passes, pulling taut, etc. And look carefully below, there are pre-manufactured holes in the plastic on the bird spikes, so this is what you’re sewing through/into pool noodle.

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Carefully slide the cut side of your noodle onto the chair back and BAM, aggro birds be GONE!

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Seriously y’all this has worked wonders! We’ve had a couple wayward droppings here and there, but its’ unbelievable how effective this have been…best part?

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They’re super easy to slide on and off when we want to use the chairs…AND: other birds still hang out in our yard, which we honestly love!

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Though this is project is super-specific for our Adirondack chairs, I’m sure it can be modified for other outdoor furniture/decor situations that need a little extra protection…shoutout to hubby & engineer extraordinaire, Dylan, who WERKED this whole thing out from start to finish…now y’all, here’s to a bird shit free remainder of summer! holla!